Pain Brings Happiness?

Life can be a funny guide sometimes.

You miss your train, but you meet a lovely lady.
You get laid off, but then you find time to travel.
You lose a fight, but then you realize that ego is just an illusion.

Life's curvy road shows us some weird signs.  It puts things in front of us that are so horribly ironic that it occasionally even brings us to laughter, especially when we realize that the our paths are never that set in stone as is.

My life has brought me three years of a broken foot.  If you went back in time and told 21 year old me (4 years ago) that I would be in this very situation, I'd be angry, disappointed, frustrated, negative... But now that I've been going through it, I realize it's brought me humility, humbling moments, level-headedness - all things I maybe wouldn't have experienced otherwise.  My body has left me unable to grow in ways that I formally hoped, but it's allowed my wisdom to grow, flourish even.

And now eight foot doctors later, I've found irony in a sign that cannot be overlooked.  Check out what lines the office walls/ceiling of my current doctor, the doctor who's actually found the key to fixing my foot:

For those of you who don't know, the last three years of immobility has been due to an unfortunate ultimate frisbee injury.  So this room should be my acid-flashback frisbee hell.  But it kinda just makes me laugh.

As far as foot specifics go, the doctor found a small joint in my arch that was stuck*, and after two months of concentrated therapy (which relatively, is short), it's really loosened up, loosened up to the point that I can almost walk without a cane.  Coincidentally, my doc's husband just happened to be an all-star disc player.

I look at these pictures, and tears start to come too.  Which is ridiculous, yes, because they're just frisbees, but I mean, I'm getting fixed.  I'm finally getting fixed.  Fixed in a room with 30 round reminders of why I'm there in the first place.  I mean, this room is lined with the exact reason I've spent the last three years in a bad place.

And for the most part, surprisingly to myself, I'm not as emotional about a working foot.  More emotion comes from being grateful that this whole shit-pile episode happened.  Not everybody gets a chance to learn a life lesson like I just have, and I'm so happy because of it.

Never thought I'd be this upbeat about feeling such great pain...

I moved out here to Portland to start a new life with my lady and become an industrial designer.  But the lady is now lost, and that career path is not my own anymore.  

Even though I came here for those reasons, I find myself enjoying the new reasons I've come to Portland even more:

I didn't know that coming to Portland would unite me with meditation.  I didn't know it would help me find peace.  I had no idea it would help me reconnect with an incredible dame who isn't even from Portland.  I also met a guy from Chicago, who just happened to be in the Northwest on my meditation trip, and now we're everything-but-blood-related brothers.  He's an incredible human being.  I had no clue Portland would push me back towards writing, back towards the act that makes me happy.  

I just had no idea.  

And it's impossible for me to know what tomorrow will bring - an ever-repeated cliche, but this truth is not realized until it's truly felt.

So, I guess I leave you now with this:  No matter how much something sucks, no matter how many things go against your current, it's alright.  Everything's changing, always.  You'll find your way.  It might not currently be so crisply apparent, but it will be.

So haha, har dee ha.  Life, we laugh at you.

*First Metatarsal to Medial Cunieform bone joint.


  1. Oh my word, the irony. I'm glad you're getting fixed, and even more glad you've found such a sense of peace here! Also, let's hang soon.

  2. Yes! Lets laugh about life :) It's to short to try to crack the code for living a happy life. There is just no recipe!! You just need to take things as they come to you. I admire your ability to be relaxed about it, and in general people like yourself!!

    Have a good day :)

  3. Doni - I know right? And yes, we will.

    Halina - Happiness is weird in that I find it when I'm not looking for it, and when I'm trying to "crack its code," it's nowhere to be found. Simplifying the latter is definitely a work in progress.