The Absolute Best Way to Watch the NFL.

Living in Portland (no football team) without a TV means the pigskin is not readily available.

So, naturally, I scoured the internet for illegally-streaming international sites from in order to watch Saints/Packers play on Thursday night football.

After finding a couple slow and broken links, I came across one site with a decent picture, hosted on  They took over for my old fav,  So I caught the game in the middle of a Packers drive, and everything seemed pretty normal as far as football goes.  Same commentators, no real delay in the sound/picture, barely any lag.  I was satisfied, because I got the game and I didn't have to go to a bar and spend money on crappy food and repeated orders of orange juices, because I kinda stopped drinking.

Then, after the Packers scored, instead of going to the NBC studios, the broadcast was sent into a totally jenk (by today's standards) studio, which I soon found out was located somewhere in Europe.

I had stumbled upon a Eurocast of the game.


Being European, I was intrigued, wryly smiling to myself...  and, let me tell you, my expectations were blown out of the water.  I'll set up the scene.

There were three guys:
1. A dreaded-out, random washed up fullback who played for the Eagles.
2. A dorky, white soccer commentator.
3. A old, black guy who looked like he hadn't slept in 3 weeks, who spoke slower than Morgan Freeman mid-monologue, except without the sexiness.  More like Cleveland from that lame show Cleveland.

Our friends Guy #1 and Guy #2.

If you can't tell by now, theses guys were eleventy billion times better than watching the American telecast.  Instead of boring Bill Cowher and Shannon Sharp breaking down plays and laughing on cue and being completely unhuman, I got real people/scrubs who had no idea what they were doing.  In other words, "entertainment."

The soccer commentator has the least amount of football knowledge.  And by least, I mean zero.  Pretty sure he applied for a football commentator position, thinking it was futbol.

At one point, the washed up fullback was saying what an incredible feeling it was to score touchdowns in the NFL.  Sleepy Cleveland asked him "So how many scores did you have?"  The NFL player goes, "Uhhh three."  Awkwardddd.  I died laughing.

And anybody who watches ESPN enough has seen the ESPN 360 cam where they spin around the field with some crazy technology to get a different view of the play while they break it down on replay.  This network does the same thing, except once the camera starts to spin, it just turns into Xs and Os and paper-looking figures.  Still laughing.

At halftime, there was no talk of the NFL.  There were only highlights from the Serbian football league.  I kid you not.

They also all really intently listen to each other.  Like, they spin their chairs 90 degrees towards whoever is talking at the time and smile and listen and it's just super weird.

In conclusion, I'd watch these guys fumble over their words every week.  Sorry society, when the NFL is on, I won't be out.  I'll be staying in watching my European friends commentate me a cornucopia of football un-knowledge.

Oh, and I almost forgot, the commercials are for phone sex lines.  Now, excuse me while I go find "late-night friends, and maybe more."

Update: The soccer guy just asked the washed up football player if the 49ers made a mistake drafting Alex Smith over Aaron Rogers.  I can't make this stuff up.

1 comment:

  1. Great post D-Man. My head almost fell off laughing about the fact that the guy probably applied for futbol and not football. Classic mix-up!